


Start of Something

by Fangirlwriting



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, post squip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:00:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24376162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlwriting/pseuds/Fangirlwriting
Summary: Jeremy can’t decide if it’s a bad idea to visit Rich or not.  Okay, well, yes he can.  It is a bad idea.  He most definitely shouldn’t.That doesn’t mean he’s not going to do it anyway.
Relationships: Rich Goranski/Jeremy Heere
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Start of Something

**Author's Note:**

> I have always needed more of Rich and Jeremy helping each other with Squip stuff, and since spicy bis is an underrated ship anyway, I decided to do both.

Okay, yes, Rich had been an asshole to him in the past. Jeremy still got scared when he thought about him. And maybe Michael had a point when he said Rich could never bring anything good, and to hell with him.

The problem was, Michael didn’t get it.

He never rushed Jeremy. He knew the Squip was abusive and traumatic and he never tried to tell him to get over it. But as much as Jeremy apologized over and over to him… he kind of expected one in return.

Wait, no. Stop. He didn’t deserve an apology, _he_ was the one who screwed up.

But still, it… hurt. Jeremy had been shocked and belittled and made to feel worthless for months, and when he finally sees Michael… Michael yells at him? Maybe he was trying to help and just messed up, but that still hurt.

But— at the same time, Michael was an amazing friend, and he did help Jeremy and Jeremy wasn’t going to ask for an apology from the person he called a loser and who still came back and literally saved him as well as the whole world. How selfish could you possibly get?

And if Michael said approaching Rich was a bad idea, how could Jeremy not listen to him? Hadn’t he made enough bad decisions already?

This was the line of thought that would go through Jeremy’s head during the day, and by the time he went to bed that night he’d convince himself that Michael was totally right, and to hell with Rich.

The counterargument was the scattered thoughts that came at three in the morning, right after Jeremy woke up from a nightmare about the Squip. Because the problem was…

Rich _did_ get it.

Jeremy wasn’t used to not being understood by Michael. It was scary and made him feel like he was floating aimlessly with no idea what to do. But if what he wanted was to be understood, there was another option.

It was this counterargument that finally made Jeremy ignore every thought screaming at him that this was a _terrible idea_ and go visit Rich in the hospital.

Rich was sleeping when he walked in. Jeremy wasn’t surprised. Not much you could do from inside a full body cast.

Jeremy walked over and sat at his bedside and looked at Rich. There was none of the malice that Jeremy had seen for the past two years. He looked calm. He looked peaceful. He looked almost blank.

Jeremy had spent the last five 3AM counterargument sessions planning what in the world he was going to say to Rich. But it was hard to remember a speech when you’re looking at someone and finding it a little too hard to breathe.

At least it answered one question. Rich definitely still scared him.

By the time Rich woke up, all of Jeremy’s sophisticated, well-thought out speech that made him seem like a mentally healthy person had flown out the window. Instead he took in Rich’s surprised face and choked out, “I don’t know what to do.”

In Rich’s eyes was the understanding Jeremy had spent the last few weeks craving. Jeremy saw him go through the layers of what he was saying, and then go through some layers of what to respond, and Jeremy found himself understanding all of those layers too. Finally, Rich said, “And you think I know what I’m doing?”

It was absolutely ridiculous how much that calmed Jeremy down. Because at least now, they could stumble through this together. At least now, Jeremy didn’t have to be totally lost _and_ totally alone too.

Rich saw this, too. It was terrifying and refreshing, how easily they could suddenly read each other. “No,” he said. “This isn’t… I’m not good for you. Jeremy, this is a bad idea.”

“All I have are bad ideas.” Jeremy said. “Besides… I think I need you a little.”

Rich looked at him in silence, and Jeremy didn’t really feel the need to break it.

“I don’t know if I can do this without hurting you,” Rich said softly, and somehow, again, Jeremy got what he meant. Old habits. There was a reason Rich had hurt Jeremy again in the bathroom after the Squip told him he didn’t have to anymore. Instincts didn’t have to come from you. They could be instilled into you from an outside force.

“It’s okay. I still flinch when I slouch.” Jeremy said, the best way he could think of to both combat and compliment Rich’s statement. Instincts were hard to deny. Unlearning a habit was much harder.

Jeremy reached for Rich’s hand poking out of the body cast and squeezed it. It was warm. Rich started blushing when Jeremy didn’t let go. “It has to be easier together.” Jeremy said.

Rich didn’t deny that. Jeremy pulled away, finally, dropping his hand into his lap and squeezing it with his own when the ghost of Rich’s hand wouldn’t go away.

“I’m sorry,” Rich said quietly. Likely the first of many.

Jeremy nodded in thanks, because he didn’t think he was ready to forgive him just yet.

But it was a start. This whole thing felt like one. Jeremy wasn’t exactly sure what it was the start of.

He squeezed his hands in his lap again. Better things could be the hope.


End file.
